Holy Jesus In A Little Plastic Cup! How Convenient!

The interweb is an amazing place. There's stuff out there that just leaves me speechless. Or makes me laugh. Or like this rare case, I do both at the same time. What a MIRACLE, people! I laughed and was speechless! The lord works in mysterious ways. Can I hear an AMEN?

I know you're wondering WTF I'm talking about. Well, I use Gmail. There's this bar at the top that I have customized to show RSS feeds about science, Formula One (racing), and a bit of news. It also shows occasional sponsored ads and Google news. Well I don't remember what I was looking at that inspired this sponsored link. I think it was a Facebook message.

nom nom jesus in a cup!And Lo, a light shone upon me, and Google told me about  Prefilled Communion Cups. Bread and Juice IN ONE CUP! Jesus, it's so freaking convenient! I may buy some just for snacking on the lord of hosts between meals. Maybe as a light dessert after a hedonistic meal of pulled pork BBQ sammies with extra melted provolone cheese and cole slaw?

I am up in the air about giving links. Do you want links? Do you need links to these christian stores? They're everywhere if you Google the term "prefilled communion cup"

Ok, one link because the name of the site is so awful and their description and picture is the best of the bunch. Kingdom.com ... ... ... get it? kingdom com(e)? HAHAHAHAHA

I wonder how much they paid for that domain name.

jesus in a cupAnyway, I've added some pictures of these communion cups. Another thing I find hilarious is that the cups are made of  jeezits, I mean, crackers and grape juice. I don't have my bible in front of me, but I don't remember the son of god telling his posse to drink grape juice and eat crackers to be closer to him. I think it was good bread and a nice chianti that would let them eat his flesh and drink his blood?

Maybe I have it confused. I'm just a godless heathen after all.

I also wonder how easy it would be to open the jeezit pack. It looks small and awkward. I would feel so bad if I had shaky hands and spilled the lord on my best Sunday dress. And I know my dogs would fight over, and snatch up, the jeezit in a heartbeat if I dropped it on the floor.

At least the catholics make a nice presentation with communion. If somebody handed me a Convenient Lord & Savior In A Plastic Cup I'd lose it. Literally.

59 comments:

  1. That is the AWESOMEST thing ever.
    Can you imagine eating a few of those with some handi-snack cheese and crackers with the red plastic spreader?

    mmmmm

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  2. I wonder if the juice is organic and if the cracker has trans fats?

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  3. I know, right? Jesus is NOM!

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  4. HAHAHAHAHAHA! Somehow I doubt they were thinking Jesus should be whole grain, high in fiber, no sugar added, no trans fat. And the grape juice, it better be Organic freakin' Welch's or I'm sending my case back!

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  5. I'm with Steve! I may have to order the 60-count package and use them as a snack. That's just too funny!

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  6. Never in a million years would I have thought of this cheesy way to sponge money from the Christians. I laughed and laughed. Thanks.

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  7. Jeezus-juice and a Jeezit to go!

    LOL!

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  8. So glad I looked over at HDC this morning. Here is a little video that shares the truth about jesus.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3JaOAynaeE

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  9. ...Huh? I'm so very, very confused.

    Catchy song, though.

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  10. I got one word for this...

    Ewwwwwwwwww.

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  11. Neece watches F1??? Sweet! :D

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  12. You laugh. Recently, teh Catholics had to release a wafer that was wheat-free because of Catholic celiacs who can't tolerate gluten.

    Here's the funny part. They believe that as soon as the wafer passes your lips, it literally becomes the body of Christ. So what does it matter if it's gluten free or not since it actually becomes 2000 year old meat when you eat it?

    I think I just might have grossed myself out.

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  13. Ha! However, because the gluten-free wafers don't qualify as "bread," they're not approved by the Catholic heirarchy because if it's not "bread," it can't properly transubstantiate into the body of Christ. There has to be at least a tiny amount of gluten in the wafer for it to be approved by the church. I kid you not. I wrote about it in a blog post on my blog. It's just crazy.

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  14. Whoa! HA HA ! It was supposed to be this one!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhEUWobdXqY

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  15. My pleasure, Mojoey. It cracked me up too. :D

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  16. Hee hee.... oh we're such blasphemers! ... or cannibals! HAHA!

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  17. And of course church dogma comes before the health and safety of humans--always. Now eat that gluten-filled wafer or burn in hell! ;-)

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  18. They're really taking this pre-packaged, single-use thing too far.

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  19. Ha! Yeah... my point in my blog post was that, if they really believe in transubstantiation, then the "wafer" would have turned into flesh and wouldn't have any gluten in it anyway... so what's the problem? ;-)

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  20. Exactly, Dan. What a stupid idea, though. Srsly.
    Buffy, you are so funny. :)

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  21. wow.. that was just messed up, Charles. That's f'ed up.

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  22. Seriously, what next, Buffy? What next!?

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  23. Neece is a full on F1 Fan. I've been watching it "religiously" since about '95. I hate the off season and live for each race weekend. Woot! This summer break is the worst. It's so long!

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  24. Holy water. You can mix it with Tang.

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  25. Unbiased Product ReviewsJuly 7, 2009 at 2:25 PM

    I bought some of those once... the juice made me sick.

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  26. Now is that any way to talk about your lord and savior? After all he's done for you? Ungrateful!

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  27. Funny you mention that, Steve. I just wrote about the oldest bible recently available online. And if you go read the original 4th century version of the chapter about Jesus at the wedding, it wasn't wine, it was grape flavored Hi-C. I kid you not! They didn't have Tang back then, because I would have preferred that. At least it seems better for you than Hi-C. :P

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  28. When I was in Iraq at a bare bones Air Force Base we had those. I was a fundie at the time, atheist now (I saw the light? lol). They really aren't that bad tasting but the cracker part was a bitch to open.

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  29. Christians are cannibals. They believe they're eating jebus' flesh and drinking his blood. That's a cannibal to me.

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  30. Ha! It's good to know that jesus is tasty.

    I'm glad you saw the light! LOL :D

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  31. It's a pretty twisted belief, isn't it? I wonder who came up with it, and if everyone laughed him out of the room when he told them.

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  32. No, it was just primitive 'man' if it could be called that. Most (99%) didn't know how to read and were extremely uneducated and believed whatever they were told. Early christians were persecuted (I survived 12 years of catholic schooling) but there was something about jebus throwing the 'money changers' out of the temples? He was against his government's massive waste and corruption, that's why he was executed.

    And people spread stories about him so they could remember him, and they told their tale to friends, who told it to friends, etc, until you get what I think Mel Gibson had a good personification of in Braveheart: "Him? That can't be William Wallace!" "I AM William Wallace! And I've heard I shoot fireballs from my eyes, and bolts of lightning from my arse!" That's how stupid those people were.

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  33. (belief in fantasy is much more comforting than dealing with reality every moment of every day.) Think about it: people watch movies, watch sports, watch tv why? To escape from the mundane, to escape from the real world for a few hours. And, as Dubya said, (and I paraphrase) "you gotta say it over and over for it to sink in." It's true. It's like a lie that's been told so many times that people consider it the truth.

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  34. Hi Phil, while I agree that most people were uneducated and couldn't read back around the time of Jesus, I don't think he was executed. There's simply no evidence that he ever lived.

    I understand the idea of him turning into a legend by word of mouth. I'm sure it played a role in the jesus myth forming the way it did.

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  35. Yes, I would agree that people prefer fantasy to the constant drain of reality. And repetition is a common technique in brainwashing and indoctrination. It works, unfortunately.

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  36. Right, all these stories that people wrote 2000 years ago were about someone who didn't even exist. Yeah. Ok.

    Truth of the matter is, roman soldiers regularly raped women, and that's how Mary (yeah right, I'm sure that's what they named her out in the middle east: mary. Yeah. ok.) got pregnant, and the punishment for sex out of wedlock was to be stoned to death.

    So she and joseph (another oh-so-common middle eastern name, not something foreign like, say, 'mohammed') decided to tell people she was f*cked by god and didn't know where the baby came from.

    The stupid, it burns!

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  37. Phil, what evidence is there that Jesus existed, outside of the gospels? Josephus? He never claimed to have met Jesus. He only referenced Jesus twice. The first is disputed as forgery, if not at least altered, the second is a reference only. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephus_on_Jesus#Testimonium_Flavianum
    The gospel writers? They wrote their stories 40-80 years after the supposed death of Jesus. They never met him either. No one even knows who those writers were.
    Just because there are stories about him, it doesn't mean that he existed. That's like saying there are talking giant mice because there is so much evidence in modern culture of a talking 6 foot mouse named Mickey. There's tons of evidence regarding him.
    Name your sources, otherwise you're just making up nonsense.

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  38. I don't have any evidence that Jebus existed, Neece. At first I thought you were cute and I wanted to get in contact with you on the off chance that we could bone, but now this thread is just boring. Tell you the truth, just receiving reminders that I once traipsed across this thread every time someone posts a new comment is a pain in the ass.

    Look, as far as I can tell, Mary (not her real name) convinced Joseph (not his real name) that he should play along and pretend 'she was carrying the son of god' because she was raped by a roman centurion (soldier) and became pregnant (she was only 14 at the time) and the punishment in those days for pregnancy outside of wedlock was to be stoned to death (no, not that way...yes, that way). (THAT is what the RCC doesn't want you to know.)

    People didn't just conjure up stories out of thin air, Neece. There was someone to whom they were referring when they talked about 'Jebus.' No he wasn't the son of god. But they wrote about him because they were suppressed and that's what religitards do when they get all emo: they write crap that sucks to everyone but themselves.

    I suffered through 12 years of catholic school, I'm done talkin' about this garbage (for now).

    Buy, rent, borrow, or steal Bill Maher's "Religulous".

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  39. Well Phil, you've shown yourself to be a classless oaf. I think we've all had enough.

    As far as I can tell, your ideas stem from baseless conjecture melded with lingering catholic beliefs. You've just reiterated your ideas without any facts or resources.

    There is a lot of evidence that says that the christian mythos borrowed heavily from Mithras and other local cults and myths of the time.

    I've seen Religulous. Not that it makes any difference to this conversation.

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  40. haha!! My mom has tons of these sitting around the house in neatly sealed ziplock bags, ready to go.
    I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who finds these pretty silly :P

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  41. Ooh, thanks for the link, Johnny. That's just awesome!

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  42. Wow... that's wild! No, you're not alone. :P

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  43. Thats why protestantism is a heresy and the Catholic church is the TRUTH!!



    "Faith and Reason are like two wings by which human can contemplate truth" - JPII
    "A little philosophy leads a man to atheism. Depth in philosophy leads a man to religion" - Francis Bacon

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  44. Way to go spouting dogma. There is no basis for the catholic religion any more than the protestant religion.

    Faith gets you nowhere. You don't contemplate anything of value with faith, which is blind. And Francis Bacon had it backwards. A lot of philosophy leads a person to atheism. An even faster path to atheism is just to read the bible and other "holy" books! That's how I deconverted, I read the bible and studied all the major world religions. And before you know it, I realized it was all foundless, baseless bullshit.

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  45. wow and what makes your conclusions correct and mine wrong. I view your view as foolish as you view mine. I have studied philosophy and theology in depth as well, along with logic and dialectics. You studied all the major ones, why not the minor ones? What if the Zoroastrians are right? What is your basis for rejecting them?

    A disbelief in God does not result in a belief in nothing; disbelief in God usually
    results in a belief in anything.
    ~Arthur Lynch

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  46. How come Atheists are so ignorant of what the religions actually believe? Where do guys get this information about Eucharist becoming as soon as it passes into the mouth etc and the reasons why wheat is required. Instead of wasting your time on silly websites like these, why not read some real philosophical works or literature, not boiling in a pot of false ideas and trivial information.

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  47. I am ok that you believe differently than me. That's another difference between you and I. You have the right to believe what you like. But keep your dogma and religion to yourself. That's when atheists get motivated to speak out.

    In fact, I have studied minor religions, I just didn't mention it. And you know what? My conclusions still find that there is zero evidence for any god or the supernatural. It's still all superstitious, fear-based, wishful thinking nonsense.

    A lack of belief in god often leads people to skepticism, where they learn to look for evidence for any claims. Arthur Lynch is just spouting nonsense.

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  48. Atheists are generally more knowledgeable about religion than most religious people. A recent Pew study was just published that showed that to be the case. There were some exceptions, but especially when it came to world religions, atheists did better.

    If you find this website so silly, why are you leaving nasty comments? This site isn't for you.

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  49. How come so many theists don't know what their own religion says? Oh, that's right, I guess it's kind of hard if you don't actually read the bible you claim to follow. You probably don't even think that in communion the cracker supposedly actually becomes the flesh of Jesus.

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  50. Doubtful that you've studied anything but what confirms your beliefs. If you've studied all the minor ones, what is your basis for rejecting them and not your own?

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  51. Odysseus must have existed. Hercules must have existed. Zeus must have existed. Hell, unicorns must have existed. Bla bla bla so on so forth. Because surely whenever anything is written about someone, they can't be a mythical figure...

    The stupid, yes it does burn.

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  52. (This didn't reply to the right spot for some reason... :/ )

    Odysseus must have existed. Hercules must have existed. Zeus must have existed. Hell, unicorns must have existed. Bla bla bla so on so forth. Because surely whenever anything is written about someone, they can’t be a mythical figure…

    The stupid, yes it does burn.

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  53. LOL. I actually have heard that argument, GMN, that if we can conceive it, it must be true. Well, I can imagine pink unicorns that are invisible!

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  54. Excellent point, GMN. Atheists do not believe in Yahweh, Zeus, Satan, Odin, etc, etc.
    Christians think their one true god exists but deny the rest. Atheists just go one step further than monotheists.
    On a tangential note, there are other gods mentioned in the bible, purportedly by God himself. So being monotheistic seems pretty silly. :P

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