Don't Eat The Weasel = Don't Have Oral Sex

Leviticus 11: [29] These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse, and the tortoise after his kind, [30] And the ferret, and the chameleon, and the lizard, and the snail, and the mole.

catweaselNeece posted on the Codex Sinaiticus a few days back. One of the books or letters that made it into the Codex is the Epistle of Barnabas.

In the era of early Christian writing, instead of ignoring the old testament laws, he is set on reinterpreting them. Vorjack over on Unreasonable Faith has a funny article on it; and I just couldn't resist sharing the weasel excerpt:
And my favorite:
Moreover He hath hated the weasel also and with good reason. Thou shalt not, saith He, become such as those men of whom we hear as working iniquity with their mouth for uncleanness, neither shalt thou cleave unto impure women who work iniquity with their mouth. For this animal conceiveth with its mouth. (10:8)

Got that, kids? When Moses said “don’t eat the weasel,” he really meant “don’t have oral sex.”

Maybe I’m over interpreting this over-interpretation, but I don’t care. Because “eat the weasel” is the best euphemism I’ve ever heard.


  1. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHHAHAAHHAHA!!!!!!!!! Awesome, Johnny! Very helpful bible lesson! :D

  2. I checked with my husband on this, as he was raised a Jehovah's Witness, and they did nothing but study the bible. He says he can't recall anything about not eating the weasel. Beating the weasel, however, was a sin for sure.

  3. Just remember, kids. Don't eat the weasel.

    That IS the most awesome euphemism I have ever heard.

  4. interesting. all 3 of my Jewish ex-girlfriends were cool with it. Eating the weasel, I mean.

    oh god i sound like a pig. (pun intended)

  5. Didn't you tell me that JWs have their own version of the bible though? Maybe the JWs can eat the weasel, just not beat it, unlike the christians and jews, who are screwed. No weasel eating! I wonder what the muslims feel about weasels? Seriously, how will I sleep at night not knowing!?

  6. Seriously, that's awesome. I love these kinds of bible lessons!