I wanted to share some great lolcats with you on my favorite holiday, while warning you of some issues that may have passed below your radar for this All Hallow's Eve.
Don't buy candy for today! Halloween is Lucifer's holy day and the candy in the store has been cursed and filled with demons according to Charisma Magazine. Kimberly Daniels wantonly tells us about the horrors of this most satanic day of the year.
I know, it's probably too late for you. You already bought your Halloween candy weeks ago. My suggestion is to eat all of the candy in one sitting while praising Lucifer as you unwrap each blasphemous piece of chocolaty evilness. If you can't light a bonfire to dance around naked in your front yard, light a candle and roast marshmallows over it. That will suffice.
Don't give the candy to those little kids that come begging at your door! It will fill their innocent little souls with demons! You really must eat the candy for yourself and imbibe the demons to help save our future from demonic possession. Daniels says it all in her diatribe. But I give you solutions. That's just the kind of blasphemous, godless heathen that I am.
On another note, why not find a Judgement House to scare you onto the straight and narrow? Having trouble with your kids? This is the solution for you. Drag your kids to JH to experience a dramatic walk-through of the "truth" of people's choices and their horrific consequences. It's good stuff for terrifying kids with the "love" of god into their hearts.
Another version is Hell House which shows all kinds of sin and torments of the damned in hell. It might help with those uppity kids you can't manage, and again, it will show the boundless "love" of god in all his heinous "glory".
And last but not least, the catholic church in Africa is being destroyed by witchcraft! Experts in Kenya say witchcraft is real and is destroying the church. Scholars are upset that the church continues to dismiss the dark arts as mere superstition, thereby unwittingly helping the devil advance his reign! Oh noes!
Unfortunately, on a serious note, in the name of witchcraft, many innocent children, albinos and people are killed, mutilated and tortured in the name of witchcraft in Africa.
So have a happy unholy day today! Happy Halloween!
This is for my Hunny Bunny on our 13th wedding anniversary today. Luvz U! :D