I stumbled upon this Craigslist posting for Kansas City. When I realized what I was looking at, my jaw dropped. Why didn't I think of that!?
The offer is for pet care services for "good" christians. Apparently over half of America's population has worried over what will happen to their beloved pets when the rapture comes. Jesus hates animals, so of course, they'll be staying down here with the smart atheists.
So why not offer a pet care service to "good" christians? I wonder if an ad like this would get pulled on eBay? Or my local classifieds paper! I could try that. It's got bible quotes in it and good wholesome stuff, so I'd have a great target audience.
What do you think? Worth a shot? :P Here's the craigslist listing.
You're insane! But I love it!
ReplyDeleteI'm just not sure about the "Jesus the pet hater" part... that might shun many away. With a well written ad or website, you'd be surprised how many will fall for it.
You're right, Christopher, although there are some biblical examples of Jesus and God's dislike of the animal kingdom, it might be best to work around that issue. :P
ReplyDeletePerhaps Heaving Dead Cats can offer the service? Although, somehow I doubt "good" christians will be flocking to this site in droves. HA! :D
"If thy hast four legs, thou cannot inherit the kingdom of God. Instead, thou shalt inherit the kingdom of Ganesha."
ReplyDeleteHave you seen the e-mail services online that will automatically send a message to your contact list 'in the event' of the rapture to notify them why you are suddenly missing? I bet they charge for that, too.
I luv it :D LOL @ Craigslist. My fiance has had some fun playing praticial jokes at Craigslist.
ReplyDeleteAround here there's a few christian home remodeling services, at least one christian vinyl siding installer, a christian music studio, christian wedding DJ (worst musical selection EVER, I'm sure), christian child care, etc etc etc...
ReplyDeleteMost have the expected 'jesus fish' somehow, and terribly un-clevery, worked into the logo. *sigh*
I can't understand the appeal. What on Earth does a persons religion have to do with home remodeling or any of the above? If I started an atheist carpet installation service or atheist dry-cleaners I'd be laughed out of town.
Minnesota is more or less socially neutral when it comes to hard-core fundies but the growing number of bible book stores and 'christian' businesses is a bit upsetting.
Thanks James. Just one of many passages from the "good book" that shows that god and Jesus are animal haters. Yeah, I heard about that rapture service that sends an email to us heathens at the exact moment they all fly away to heaven or some such nonsense. Actually, I think right now the service is free, but it's new, so it might not stay that way. :P
ReplyDeleteColleen, I wouldn't do it as a practical joke. Hey, I really am an animal lover. It's just a form of pet insurance, really. Come ON! It's pure genius! LOL!
Yeah, I hate businesses that use the lord to pimp their services. How utterly superficial and crass, really. If you went to the bible belt and started an atheist business you'd get more than laughed at. You'd probably get harassed or worse.
But this is different, Hess. This is helping the christians with a serious problem if they're pet owners. It's pure genius. christians and atheists coming together for the love of puppies and kitties! :D
"Just one of many passages from the “good book” that shows that god and Jesus are animal haters."
ReplyDeleteWell, not that one. I made it up :)
Let's just say it is from the Secret Gospel of Ron (Better known as Matthew's Centurion #2).
Aw, James, it sounded so real and true! I feel like an idiot! Argh! :(
ReplyDeleteThat's probably because I used Elizabethan English, the "true" language of the Bible.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, Ganesha is the Hindu Elephant God.
Wow, you just keep insulting me, James. My tender little feelings are all bruised. LOL!
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to lord it over all of us. We all KNOW that Jesus talked Elizabethan English! SHEESH! LOL :P
I'm curious about this automated email rapture service. How's the software set up to automatically send it if there's no one there to hit the button?
ReplyDeleteThey certainly can't imagine an atheist is going to watch their backs and hit the send button :P
The system is set up so with a dead man switch that will automatically send the messages if it is not reset (by a Christian) after a preset interval of time.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.raptureletters.com/
Regarding the email rapture service: There are troops of christians all over the country (and maybe the world) that have to check in regularly, if there are too many that don't at any given time, it sends the email to all of the unfaithful heathens.
ReplyDeleteApparently, there is a very small window, according to the bible, where nonfaithful heathens, if they check their email, will get to be "saved" or something, like a window to change their minds about being such awful heathens. that's what the email is for. so that the faithful can have an email sent to those of us "left behind" to have one final quick chance to repent. Or something equally loopholey. :P
"Ninety percent of all donations we receive are used to further the kingdom of God and 10% goes toward administration costs."
ReplyDeleteFurther the kingdom of god? They've got one of the christian home remodeling companies redoing the carpet in heaven or what? Sounds a bit questionable...
I bet these scheisters have actually received donations too...sad
I'd laugh hysterically if the the whole thing failed and sent out the email totally at random. Assuming the thing actually exists and it isn't just a phishing scam that is.
Yeah, of course people donate to the rapture email service, Hess. Religious sheeple love to give to the glory of god. Nice and vague, isn't it? They're so evil.
ReplyDeleteI would laugh myself into a coma if they sent the emails by mistake too. Um, oops? LOLZ! I think it's legit, though, not a scam.