I just don't know where to buy my first one. Walmart has knock-off slaves. They may be the least expensive, but they don't last more than 6 months, so it's not worth it. I think I'll try Amazon, they're great for most stuff. My friend got a slave from them and it was damaged in shipping. They replaced it right away, no questions asked. Plus they throw in an owner's guide on care and feeding. Slaves can be tricky, so that might come in handy.
And you're probably about to lynch me for this post, aren't you? Hey don't blame me. PZ Myers helped me find the light of the lord. I guess the shining light of reason really goes to Jean, who really is a visionary. She's a born again christian, who happens to also be black, which in this circumstance only makes her logic so much more compelling. I know that sounds like an ad hominem attack, but no, in fact it is merely an observation. Jean has opened my eyes. Jean is a raging ignorant whackjob moron.
I tried to muddle through her disjointed mess of logical fallacies. It wasn't pleasant. It's vaguely coherent, but I was so flabbergasted by her reasoning that I had to keep shoving my eyes back in my sockets with a tire iron.
What also threw me for a loop was that she's actually right about one thing. The bible does not condemn slavery, it condones it. Of course, that isn't surprising, slavery has been around for millennia and still exists today.
But being able to sort through and quote the contents of an ancient, poorly translated, disjointed, misinterpreted, poorly edited bunch of stories thrown together into a book does not mean Jean is right in the rest of her logic. In fact, she seems to be fantastically flawed at every turn.
I will not waste your time with tearing each of her thoughts down to expose the fallacies. Instead, I'll let Jean speak for herself:
Just as wives are to be submissive to their husbands, likewise slaves are to be submissive to their masters.
If the bible would have condemned slavery then the gospel itself would have been robbed of its meaning on some way. If slavery is wrong, then wives should not submit to their husbands, children should not obey parents, women should became equal to men and preach in churches ( which is forbidden in the bible by the way), and mostly no one should call Jesus their master or submit to the authority of God. For this reason, the bible does not condemn slavery, because the whole concept of Christians serving God would be meaningless. Human slavery is a very difficult part of history, and the fact that godly people in the bible owned slaves, makes it more hard for people to understand.
I do not believe slavery is wrong, because a) The bible does not condemn slavery and b) Slavery makes so much sense and to say slavery is wrong we rob the gospel off its meaning and even Election. The concept of total submission and slavery is at the very heart of Christ's gospel. In order to be saved you have to be a slave of Christ.
We are told to deny ourselves and take up our cross daily and follow Jesus. We are told to hate our own self and love God even before our own families.
I find that people who do not understand the concept of slavery do not understand the character and nature of God Himself and they do not understand what it means to be Christian.
... if you are truly saved, you will not find the concept of slavery insulting or evil.
Oh, Jean, you poor deluded fool. Anyway, I especially like the last one because it explains where we'll get our slaves. Born Again Christian Camps will provide us with a steady supply! Woot!
Ok, I'm still reeling from this revelation. I need to clean out the shed out back and turn it into a proper shack fit for a born again slave (makeshift altar to jesus, sackcloth mat to sleep on, shackles to make sure they truly get the full experience of being a slave for christ, you know, the usual stuff.) Ooh, I wonder if I can get a starter kit with my first slave!? That would be so much easier! We have a pentecostal church right up the street, maybe they will have a christmas sale on children, half price!
I'd better get going now, I have to bake cookies for my husband, because if I don't have them hot and ready when he gets home I get the belt. But once we get our first slave, that will all be over! HALLELUJAH THANK YOU BABY JESUS!