Are You Rapture Ready?

coming soonI found a site last week that I thought I really must share with you. It's called Rapture Ready. The page I really want to share is The Rapture Index, which apparently is "the prophetic speedometer of end-time activity".

With Sarah Palin and other fundie believers out there trying to bring on Armageddon, I figure this site is incredibly important.

There are numbers listed for 45 things like 1. False Christs, 29. Liberalism, and 38. Wild Weather. These numbers seem completely arbitrary. But according to the site at the time of this post, the Rapture Index is 165. That's a net change of +1 so you'd better be ready!

Now, as a godless heathen, I am pretty sure if the Rapture happens, I'll be left down here on Earth with all the cool people. Fun times will be had by all, and life will improve dramatically.

Of course, there is one small issue for Rapture Ready Fundies, though. Their pets! I'm sure you've heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets? These kindly atheists and heathens offer to take care of your pets when they get left behind and you go on to Jesus in Heaven.

What a noble cause. All I can say to that is why didn't I think of it!?

So, just because you're a godless heathen doesn't mean you can't prepare for the end-times. We know the fundies are working to make it happen in their lifetime. If it does, we have to be ready.

First we will have a fantastic party to celebrate. Then we can go loot all the stuff out of the True Christians' houses since they won't need it anymore. After that I guess we just get back to our lives, happier without all those pesky religious nuts trying to dictate legislation and force their god down our throats. Good Times, Good Times!


  1. But will there be anything in their homes worth looting?

  2. Excellent point, Joules! LOL! :D

  3. Rapture Ready? Hell I've been waiting for it for years. I need a new car and home, and getting rid of the Christofascists would be the best gift ever.

  4. You realize that after the Rapture there won't be anybody running our country!

  5. Good point, James! LOL! :D
    Somehow we'll make do, don't you think? :P

  6. I think I'm getting an idea for a screenplay. One scene: A Boeing 777 crossing over the Atlantic and the captain and co-pilot suddenly are pulled out through the windshield. They are torn to bits, blood flying all over the cockpit. The first officer turns and says, "Wow, lucky them; it's the rapture! They're going to be with Jesus!"

    Nah. Fageddaboudit. No one would say that. Okay; no screenplay.

  7. Lol! That's morbidly funny, David!

  8. [...] Heaving Dead Cats, who has more information on those who don’t realize the rapture already happened 17 years [...]

  9. We'll finally have heaven here when/if the 'rapture' occurs.Frankly,I don't know where the F--- believers ever came up with this crap.There is NOTHING scripture-wise or remotely by the historical/critical method of exegesis that supports this idiocy!

    I love the episode of "Six Feet Under" when the 'born-again' lady gets out of her car to chase blow-up dolls, thinking that they're angels from the 'rapture'!