I'm Up For Adoption

Did you hear the Good News? I might be a closeted Christian, and if you are a godless heathen, you might be too! We just need to get adopted!

Catholic League president Bill Donohue has started a campaign called "Adopt an Atheist":
Approximately 80 percent of Americans are Christian, and 96 percent celebrate Christmas. Of the 20 percent who are not Christian, non-believers make up the largest segment, though the number of self-identified atheists is tiny. David Silverman, president of American Atheists, knows this to be true, which is why he is frantically trying to inflate his base. “We want people to realize that there may be atheists in their family,” he told the New York Times, “even if those atheists don’t even know they are atheists.”

We think there is some merit in David’s idea, even if he has things backwards, as usual. Today we are launching our “Adopt An Atheist” campaign, the predicate of which is, “We want atheists to realize that there may be Christians in their community, even if those Christians don’t even know they are Christian.”

Here’s what our campaign entails. We are asking everyone to contact the American Atheist affiliate in his area, letting them know of your interest in “adopting” one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.

If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.”
So, I believe in nothing, stand for nothing and am good for nothing? Could they be any more offensive or wrong? According to them, aren't I a child of God even if I've apparently turned my back on him? So how can I be good for nothing? That's just repellent.

It's a strawman to say we believe in nothing and stand for nothing. Of course this is a blatant lie. All you have to do is ask us. Many of us are Humanists, after all, and as a Humanist I believe and stand for the well-being of all people. I also stand for caring for all life (well, 99.9% of it). I believe as thinking humans we are how the Cosmos can know itself.

I believe in the pursuit of scientific understanding and discovery, in making the world a better place, in creating a world of justice as much as we can, of encouraging and nurturing love and happiness, and reducing suffering.

What do they believe in? That the best they can do in this one precious life is to bow and scrape to an angry god who demanded murder, has no problem with misogyny, and punishes people who actually think with Eternal Damnation?

My friend suggested we encourage these misguided, delusional True Believers to adopt us. Go ahead! Most of us became atheists because we challenged our worldviews, questioned, researched and reasoned. We broke free of indoctrination already.

So, go ahead, adopt me, or better yet adopt my local group, Morgantown Atheists, because we are members of American Atheists. Who is going to have their worldview shaken up? Us or them? (disclaimer: not that you can reason with a True Believer. Reason and Faith are like oil and water, they just don't mix)

By the way, I got the image above from the article I linked to. I think it's hilarious and ironic that it's of a man holding a little boy. We are all born atheists, after all!


  1. I just sent an e-mail to the Catholic League asking them to contact me about adopting my poor, poor worthless self. (I was a little more polite in the e-mail, however.) I provided them with my contact information and general location, so I'll let you know if I'm selectd as being worthy of their bestowment. RAmen.

  2. Keep us posted, Raedon!
    Just don't get too full of yourself, even if you are graced with their blessings. After all, you are "good for nothing".

  3. I find it far more unlikely that someone would label themselves an atheist but believe in God than that someone would label themselves a Christian and not really believe in God.

    Seriously, if you're really a non-believer (or even just a doubter), calling yourself a Christian or Catholic certainly would help you fit in with the majority of people in the US. But if you're really a Christian, what possible reason could you have for calling yourself an atheist?

    Donahue and his group, as usual, display an ungodly amount of ignorance. ;-)

  4. HA! Yes, Dan, I agree. You explained it very well. :)

  5. "Ungodly amount of arrogance" is the understatement of the new year!I don't know where these people get off the conversion train.Convert to their way? How do they know they're right...let me guess, the Bible told them so? I guess he in particular didn't know that people like him, with penises, wrote the grand book! If I talk or try to dissuade them, I am just as wicked as they, so I make my exit before them.

  6. Yes, Anon, the Bible told them so. That's all they need. It boggles my mind.

  7. Neece-
    It has been said that "ignorance is bliss";on a personal level, I don't believe that, but for the simpletons out there,I'm guessing that to 'not know' creates the illusion of security...something like that.I do tend to believe that somewhere within them, that a telephone of sorts is ringing, and that to answer it,they must be prepared to consider facing the truth.As people like us know,it appears that its more convenient to walk away.

    1. Well, I think it is pretty nice to be ignorant in some areas or situations. For instance, I don't want to know what cooks are doing to my food at a restaurant. Just give me something tasty. But it can easily backfire, such as when I get food poisoning from that food. If I had known the cook didn't wash his hands after going to the bathroom, I could have skipped that restaurant.
      Again, sometimes it's fine to be ignorant. I don't know how to change the engine in my car. But I surround myself with people who are smart. My husband probably wouldn't change our engine himself, but he knows enough about it to make sure we don't get ripped off.
      What drives me batshit crazy though, is Cultivated Ignorance, something that is becoming increasingly pervasive in this world and in this country. That is something I DO NOT understand. And I can't see how it would benefit the person who goes out of his/her way to be ignorant. They must get duped all the time. It doesn't stop people from being proud to be ignorant though. Sigh!