I'm Up For Adoption

Did you hear the Good News? I might be a closeted Christian, and if you are a godless heathen, you might be too! We just need to get adopted!

Catholic League president Bill Donohue has started a campaign called "Adopt an Atheist":

Approximately 80 percent of Americans are Christian, and 96 percent celebrate Christmas. Of the 20 percent who are not Christian, non-believers make up the largest segment, though the number of self-identified atheists is tiny. David Silverman, president of American Atheists, knows this to be true, which is why he is frantically trying to inflate his base. “We want people to realize that there may be atheists in their family,” he told the New York Times, “even if those atheists don’t even know they are atheists.”

We think there is some merit in David’s idea, even if he has things backwards, as usual. Today we are launching our “Adopt An Atheist” campaign, the predicate of which is, “We want atheists to realize that there may be Christians in their community, even if those Christians don’t even know they are Christian.”

Here’s what our campaign entails. We are asking everyone to contact the American Atheist affiliate in his area, letting them know of your interest in “adopting” one of them. All it takes is an e-mail. Let them know of your sincere interest in working with them to uncover their inner self. They may be resistant at first, but eventually they may come to understand that they were Christian all along.

If we hurry, these closeted Christians can celebrate Christmas like the rest of us. As an added bonus, they will no longer be looked upon as people who “believe in nothing, stand for nothing and are good for nothing.”

So, I believe in nothing, stand for nothing and am good for nothing? Could they be any more offensive or wrong? According to them, aren't I a child of God even if I've apparently turned my back on him? So how can I be good for nothing? That's just repellent.

It's a strawman to say we believe in nothing and stand for nothing. Of course this is a blatant lie. All you have to do is ask us. Many of us are Humanists, after all, and as a Humanist I believe and stand for the well-being of all people. I also stand for caring for all life (well, 99.9% of it). I believe as thinking humans we are how the Cosmos can know itself.

I believe in the pursuit of scientific understanding and discovery, in making the world a better place, in creating a world of justice as much as we can, of encouraging and nurturing love and happiness, and reducing suffering.

What do they believe in? That the best they can do in this one precious life is to bow and scrape to an angry god who demanded murder, has no problem with misogyny, and punishes people who actually think with Eternal Damnation?

My friend suggested we encourage these misguided, delusional True Believers to adopt us. Go ahead! Most of us became atheists because we challenged our worldviews, questioned, researched and reasoned. We broke free of indoctrination already.

So, go ahead, adopt me, or better yet adopt my local group, Morgantown Atheists, because we are members of American Atheists. Who is going to have their worldview shaken up? Us or them? (disclaimer: not that you can reason with a True Believer. Reason and Faith are like oil and water, they just don't mix)

By the way, I got the image above from the article I linked to. I think it's hilarious and ironic that it's of a man holding a little boy. We are all born atheists, after all!