My Pareidolia Has Produced a Miracle!

Recently, I shared my blessing with you of Jesus showing himself to me in a picture in my dining room of pond scum on a creek. I was amazed at your lack of Faith. No one else saw Jesus but me. But that did not deter me! I knew I had a Genuine Miracle in my presence. So I prayed and waited for the Blessings to start rolling in. (and by pray, I mean I sarcastically blogged about it and then promptly forgot about it)

Well here's a big one! My dear husband Butch got a job! He had one but he was offered a better one. Which means he was able to quit the old one that he hated. God always provides!

Of course, my confirmation bias sees the recent pareidolia from August 31 and Butch being offered a job a week later as being magically related. And of course, I have (conveniently) forgotten that Butch had just applied for the job (his mundane, human actions), that he had been looking for a job for quite a few months, and that he had the requisite skills gleaned over many years of hard work to attract the new employer.

In other words, Butch took all the boring, time consuming steps needed to get hired. But I don't have to think about his intelligence, technical skills, people skills and persistence. No, of course not. I just know that Jesus provided through my Faith and Devotion.

Ugh, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little. First, it's incredibly insulting to Butch to ignore all of  his efforts to pin all the accolades on Jesus, an invisible, evidence-free friend who gets all the glory when things go well, and never gets blamed when bad stuff happens.

That is really the evil genius of religion. Whoever first came up with that slick bit of mind-twisting psychology obviously skyrocketed to the top of the game. Heads Jesus wins; Tails you lose. But Jesus loves you and will give you rewards after you are dead. Of course, you'll be dead so you will never know if you wasted your life in servitude for a bucket of lies.  Oh, and don't forget, if you don't love Jesus, he will make you burn in hell forever and ever. How can you pass this deal up?

Oh, you need evidence. I see. That's against the rules. God says you have to have faith. See how I move the goalposts so it always goes my way? Pretty sneaky, aren't I? It's evil genius, playing off of our human weaknesses. Brilliant!

Dolphins are Amazing!

Recently, I asked you, my Awesome Readers, to ask for more information on a subject that interests you, for me to research. The question was posed in regards to history (mainly of everyday things) but it was vague enough to be open-ended. Mike Hensel gets a cookie for asking, ""Here is one for ya. Are dolphins aware of us? Do they come to the beach and say to themselves “There they are, facinating.”"

The short answer, from what I've found is "yes!"

The dolphin brain is large. Relative to body size, it's the second largest only to humans. This is measured by EQ (encephalization quotient). Here are some EQs of different species:

• Teabaggers and fundamentalists:  1.2 (just kidding, sorta)


• River dolphins: 1.5


• Gorillas:  1.76


• Chimpanzees:   2.48


• Australopithecines (hominids who lived 4 million years ago):  3.25-4.72


• Bottlenose dolphins:  5.6


• Humans:  7.4

So, let's run through some of their amazing abilities:

• Complex play


• Problem solving


• Communicating with each other through whistles, clicks, touch and body postures. But we don't know if it's a language by human definition.


• Reading: they can read a symbol printed on a card and then do what it says.


• Self Awareness: they can recognize themselves in a mirror. If a mark is placed on their skin (with a nontoxic marker), they will go to the mirror to look at it and spend more time than if they have no marks. (elephants will do the same. They will touch the mark on their head, while they look in the mirror. Great apes as well)


• They can think through and plan ahead.  see video below and Guardian article for examples)

A New Version Of The Religion Test

So here's another test to see what you know about religion to follow up from the Pew Research review.  This one was written by Nicholas D. Kristoff for the NY Times. Some questions have more than one correct answer. Answers are at the bottom.

1. Which holy book stipulates that a girl who does not bleed on her wedding night should be stoned to death?
a. Koran
b. Old Testament
c. (Hindu) Upanishads

2. Which holy text declares: “Let there be no compulsion in religion”?
a. Koran
b. Gospel of Matthew
c. Letter of Paul to the Romans

3. The terrorists who pioneered the suicide vest in modern times, and the use of women in terror attacks, were affiliated with which major religion?
a. Islam
b. Christianity
c. Hinduism

Great Reason or Atheist or Science Quotes Needed

I need your help. I'm going to church soon with my Religion of the Month Club (a subgroup of Morgantown Atheists) and I have the idea of putting an envelope in the collection plate when it comes around. In the envelope I want a few really AWESOME quotes from brilliant people. Preferably not nasty, but very smart. I am asking for your suggestions! Which reason/atheism/brilliant/freethinker quotes should I put in the envelope?

Another Fine Atheist Service

We've all heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets and their awesome service of saving pets after the rapture (I wrote about being Rapture Ready here). Well, the other day I was contacted by another fine atheist service, Rapture Orphan Rescue: A service providing the Ultimate No Child Left Behind.

Here is their Mission Statement:

We are a Rapture-proof service that will ensure that your youngest family members will be given the religious instruction that you would have wanted them to receive. More than just letting your rapture-orphaned sons and daughters [know] that you love them, we will witness to them so that they too may be Saved and reunited with you at the end of the Trials and Tribulations.

This is based on biblical verses that state that we are all born in sin and that we have to reach the age of reason before we can be saved. The site goes into detail on the home page explaining why your baby is born an atheist and isn't guaranteed to be raptured.

The problem seems to be that the children christians will leave behind will then be taken in as wards of the state, and then might be marked with the sign of the beast. This service will take the child before that stage and make sure they are never marked, which would be a bad thing according to Revelations 20:4.

Boobquake: Dress Immodestly For Science April 26

Update! Boobquake results are in: Our immodest hair and cleavage did not cause any earthquakes. In fact, the mean magnitude of quakes actually went down during the experiment. Read the full results over at Blag Hag.

~

Some ideas strike me as terribly clever. Jennifer over at Blag Hag decided to start something by asking women to dress immodestly to show that it doesn't cause earthquakes. It was spurred on by some little Iranian man who said:

"Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes," Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran's acting Friday prayer leader.

Women in the Islamic Republic are required by law to cover from head to toe, but many, especially the young, ignore some of the more strict codes and wear tight coats and scarves pulled back that show much of the hair.

"What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?" Sedighi asked during a prayer sermon Friday. "There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes."

"A divine authority told me to tell the people to make a general repentance. Why? Because calamities threaten us," Sedighi said.

Minister of Welfare and Social Security Sadeq Mahsooli said prayers and pleas for forgiveness were the best "formulas to repel earthquakes."

"We cannot invent a system that prevents earthquakes, but God has created this system and that is to avoid sins, to pray, to seek forgiveness, pay alms and self-sacrifice," Mahsooli said.

So on April 26, I will show my cleavage for science. I dress for comfort, not looks, so I'm a perfect person to "tip the scales" towards total devastating earthquake on Monday April 26. This is a scientific experiment.

We Need the Science Cops

The Tree Lobsters have said exactly what I was trying to say over a year ago, only much more concisely and with a lol. Don't you hate it when tree lobsters upstage you? I do!

Evolution is a sham! The earth is only 6000 years old, therefore there hasn't been
enough time for all the species to have developed from a single origin. All you have to do is look at the...

Hold it right there!

Science Police. We received complaints that you've been willfully ignoring centuries of scientific progress.
Therefore, in accordance with bylaw 27B/6, you've forfeited your right to benefit from the technology derived from said science.

2 New Symphony of Science Songs, One Helpful Diagram

First a funny and accurate poster about The Believer, then awesome science music. Thanks to Pharyngula who found this:



Awhile ago I shared the Symphony of Science, which is music made out of scientists talking using AutoTune (I believe that's what it's called). Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Dawkins and many others lend their voices for these songs that are quite inspiring. One thing, they are very different. The first time I heard one, I thought it was really strange and didn't care for it. But after a few minutes, I really fell in love with them.

There are two new songs. Here are their videos. Go to Symphony of Science to download the songs or videos, or to donate to the project.

The Unbroken Thread (4 minutes)

A Rational Chain E-mail

My friend Charles composed the following email as a response to a ridiculous christian forward he got call "Untimely Deaths". He thought I might like to share it with you. So here it is, including the angry christian email reply he already got and his reply to that at the end. His version had the classical large fonts, underlines and bold text that inflammatory emails often have, but for the web, I had to strip most of the formatting. If you decide to send this on to your christian friends, feel free to make them more at ease by using insanely large font sizes, underlines, unreadable colors, etc. :P

Do you have the COURAGE to Read this whole E-Mail?????

The TRUTH about UNTIMELY DEATHS!

John Lennon (Singer):
Some years before, during an interview with an American Magazine, he said:
"Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple. Today we are
more famous than Him" (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

Is god lazy? Lennon said he was bigger than Jesus in 1966. Mark Chapman shot him in 1980.
Fourteen years later! Was god too busy all those years assassinating other sinners? Is he a procrastinator?
"Oh yeah, that one blasphemous beatle. I really should smite him."
The next day:
"Crap! I forgot! again!"

And so on, for the next fourteen years!

Are You Rapture Ready?

I found a site last week that I thought I really must share with you. It's called Rapture Ready. The page I really want to share is The Rapture Index, which apparently is "the prophetic speedometer of end-time activity".

With Sarah Palin and other fundie believers out there trying to bring on Armageddon, I figure this site is incredibly important.

There are numbers listed for 45 things like 1. False Christs, 29. Liberalism, and 38. Wild Weather. These numbers seem completely arbitrary. But according to the site at the time of this post, the Rapture Index is 165. That's a net change of +1 so you'd better be ready!

Now, as a godless heathen, I am pretty sure if the Rapture happens, I'll be left down here on Earth with all the cool people. Fun times will be had by all, and life will improve dramatically.

Of course, there is one small issue for Rapture Ready Fundies, though. Their pets! I'm sure you've heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets? These kindly atheists and heathens offer to take care of your pets when they get left behind and you go on to Jesus in Heaven.

What a noble cause. All I can say to that is why didn't I think of it!?

So, just because you're a godless heathen doesn't mean you can't prepare for the end-times. We know the fundies are working to make it happen in their lifetime. If it does, we have to be ready.

First we will have a fantastic party to celebrate. Then we can go loot all the stuff out of the True Christians' houses since they won't need it anymore. After that I guess we just get back to our lives, happier without all those pesky religious nuts trying to dictate legislation and force their god down our throats. Good Times, Good Times!

Dawkins on the Colbert Report

Here is a video clip from the Colbert Report the other night (Sept 30). Stephen Colbert interviews Richard Dawkins. It's almost 6 minutes long:

The Colbert Report	Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c
Richard Dawkins
www.colbertnation.com

Oh, and take note of Dawkin's tie! It's Crocoduck tiled! LOL! :D

In Search Of Zingers

Inspiration comes from many sources. Today my mother told me that some jehovah's witnesses came a-calling and she wished she had some good, quick zingers to say to let them know she's a lost cause and they need to leave and never come back. I thought that was rather funny so I'm throwing it out to you.

If someone wants to proseletyze, what is a good, quick response to let them know they are dealing with a godless heathen who is a lost cause?

Please comment with your suggestions. Then I'll do another post with a nice neat list we can keep nearby for when someone wants to "tell us the good news". ;-)

I Have 2 Dogs, But Neither Is god. I'm Sure.

I'm bored. I have about 5 matters I should be attending to, but I'm uninspired to tackle any of them at the long end of a productive day. So I'm doing what every self-respecting blogger/Geekess/hermit does. I'm stumbling the internet.

Oh, and now is the time to remind you that I officially live under a rock. Someday I'll take a picture of my rock so you can see how nice it is. But suffice it to say, I'm not a newshound, always up on the latest and greatest of everything.

So in my stumbles I come across a BusinessDay article, a South African paper. This is how I learned this awesome explanation of the difference between an atheist, 2 kinds of agnostics, and a theist. Here we go:

The difference between an atheist, an agnostic and a theist can be summarized by their responses to the question: do you have a dog?

The atheist will simply answer, “No”. If you go to his house to search for a dog, you won’t find one. There will be no signs in the house or the yard that there ever was a dog there. None of his relatives or friends will remember having seen a dog there. They’ll ask, “Does he have a dog? How could I not have known?” And they’ll be absolutely right. There are no signs that there could ever have been a dog at the atheist’s house or indeed anywhere where he spends his time. Not at his home, not at his work, nowhere.

The agnostic who thinks that there’s simply insufficient proof for either having or not having a dog will be a great deal less certain.

Duelity: A Different Take on Creation Versus Evolution

Duelity provides a different take on creation versus evolution. With a slightly humorous, and definitely ironic reversal of roles. The creation story is told in a very scientific manner, while the big bang and evolution story is told in a poetic religious manner.



Besides this seeming like a fairly unique idea, the creators have made the two videos so that you can watch them separately, or at the same time.

Thus: Duelity
Check it out!

Don't Eat The Weasel = Don't Have Oral Sex

Leviticus 11: [29] These also shall be unclean unto you among the creeping things that creep upon the earth; the weasel, and the mouse, and the tortoise after his kind, [30] And the ferret, and the chameleon, and the lizard, and the snail, and the mole.

Neece posted on the Codex Sinaiticus a few days back. One of the books or letters that made it into the Codex is the Epistle of Barnabas.

In the era of early Christian writing, instead of ignoring the old testament laws, he is set on reinterpreting them. Vorjack over on Unreasonable Faith has a funny article on it; and I just couldn't resist sharing the weasel excerpt:

Betty Bowers and Edward Current Educate Us

It's time for some educational videos, my friends. Luckily these will hopefully make you crack up as well as teach you something.
Here's Edward Current in My Cat Is A christian, which of course, Miss Delilah is, otherwise her life would be meaningless! 1:56 minutes of hilarity.



I've heard of Betty Bowers but have never experienced her until just the other day. She's America's Best Christian, and she can teach us all quite a lot!
First, awhile ago she did this video explaining prayer to everyone else. Persistence counts, people! It's very informative and helpful. I'll have a bigger house with a real dishwasher, a maid, and a fireplace in no time! Woot! 4:07 minutes long.



Then a more recent, better edited video from just the other day, Betty takes the time to explain traditional marriage to everyone else. I thought I was happily married, but now I know the truth. Oh well. 4:14 minutes chock full of helpful information. Thanks, Betty!



Now we're all properly educated and blissfully informed! Yay! I had some silly old scientific studies to share, but when you are a good christian like Betty and Edward, you don't need stuffy old science at all!

Hoppy Easter, Heathens!

Let's be honest, being an atheist on a religious holiday isn't very much fun. I have to behave myself around family. Half of them are great people, but the other half are fundamentalist bible-thumping hypocrites. It's tedious at the best of moments, torturous at the worst. So here is some easter humor for you:

If the zombie easter bunny attacked you, I'd feel eggstra sad.

Jesus Christ, King of the World, the Coming Resurrection, Sunday March 11, 2pm.... CANCELLED

Me so thorny... LOL!

Thanks for dying Jesus, this candy is AWESOME!

Imagine a World Without god!? OH NOES!

What if god disappeared? This informative video (3:33 minutes long) will give us all an idea of what would happen if we lived in a world without god. Please watch it. Thank you, Edward Current for taking the time to educate us.



This was so helpful to me. I forgot how lonely, hopeless and desperate I am as an atheist. :P Now I guess all I have left is to go kill some kittens and babies. Be right back! :D

OHMYGOSH It's Going To Be SO COOL!

Hey everyone! How are you today? Hopefully all is well and good with you! So I've been trying to think of something really clever to write about for the last day or so and I've had terrible writer's block. A common occurence for me, I know. Then I realized part of the reason I can't think of anything to write about is because I actually have something going on in my life! So what else is a blog for but to regale people with the minutae of your life? :D

My friend Jeff is sending me a real microscope next week! Not like a little toy kid's one, a real one from a lab! It might need some TLC and I know it will need a light, but he says other than that it's in good condition. I'm sooooo excited! I have no idea what the magnification of it is, either. He hasn't even shipped it yet but I can't stop thinking about it.

I've started a list of things I want to look at when I get it. I ordered glass slides which I'll get on Monday. So this is where you come in. First, I had to tell you because I'm giddy over this. Second, because I need your help. What will I be able to see? I really really want to be able to see bacteria.

Where Can I Buy Some Creedocide?

Butch and I were watching a new show called Important Things with Demetri Martin a little while ago. Demetri started on The Daily Show but I guess they saw how amazing this kid is, and now he has his own show. He's amazing! He can play multiple instruments at once (something I could never do), and he's ambidextrous... at the same time! So he can draw with both hands simultaneously! To me that's just amazing.

Anyway, While that's all clever and interesting, the show is quite funny. But this evening (which was actually on this past Wednesday but we just watched it on our DVR) the show took a turn to sheer freaking brilliance. He did a sketch called Power - Creedocide.

I did  a search on it to see if I could get the video for you. Apparently everyone has already gotten it up on their blogs. Sorry for being late to the game, as usual. Anyway, I'm posting it here because if for some reason you live under a bigger rock than I do, and you haven't seen it yet, watch it. It's 1:49 long and it's very funny.

EDIT: Damnit. I can't seem to get this stupid video to embed correctly. I'll keep trying. But you can see the video here: Creedocide

EDIT 15 minutes later: Ok, I officially give up. It's not me, it's comedy central that is the problem. Ok, maybe it's me. Anyway, you can click the link and watch the video. :P

EDIT 5 minutes later: I'm trying again. Wish me luck!



EDIT: 2 more minutes later: Yay! I'm a freaking genius! LOL! :D